飯店的牆紙是淺駝色的，帶著一點亞麻紋理。孟禎的掌心貼在上面，指腹感覺到紙纖維的起伏，像某種規律的呼吸——但那呼吸不是牆的，是她自己的手在極細微地顫抖。
宇尋實驗室的遠端連線在二十分鐘前接入。她站在玄關與床鋪之間的空地上，背脊挺直，卻不是因為端正，而是因為脊椎第三節到第五節的姿態控制模組正在重新校準。藍色的全息投影從她體內滲出來，像一層薄薄的、會發光的霧，纏繞著她的腰線、肩胛、膝窩。皮膚在某些角度變得半透明，可以看見底下合金肋骨的弧線，以及沿著脊椎排列的訊號接點，一明一滅，像被風吹動的燭火。
她的連衣裙是淺灰色的，無袖，領口收得乾淨。下半身是深藍色的短裙，布料垂墜，遮住了大腿上正在進行韌體比對的關節。但小腿遮不住。全息投影在那裡特別亮，脛骨的支撐結構、踝關節的球型承軸、還有腳背上那些比人類神經更纖細的感測纜線，都浮現在空氣中，被藍色的代碼流緩緩刷過。
The hotel wallpaper was a pale camel shade with a subtle linen texture. Mengzhen pressed her palm against it, the pads of her fingers sensing the rise and fall of the paper fibers like a steady rhythm of breathing—though it wasn't the wall breathing, but her own hand trembling ever so slightly.
Yuxun Labs' remote connection had established twenty minutes ago. She stood in the open space between the entryway and the bed, her spine rigid—not out of good posture, but because the posture control modules between her third and fifth vertebrae were recalibrating. A blue holographic projection seeped from within her like a thin, luminous mist, wrapping around her waist, shoulder blades, and the backs of her knees. At certain angles, her skin turned translucent, revealing the curvature of alloy ribs beneath and the row of signal nodes along her spine, flickering softly like candlelight stirred by a breeze.
She wore a light gray sleeveless dress with a clean, tailored neckline. The lower half was a dark blue skirt, its drape concealing the joints in her thighs currently undergoing firmware verification. But it couldn't hide her calves. The holographic projection glowed especially bright there; the support structure of her tibia, the spherical bearings of her ankle joints, and the sensor cables across her insteps—slenderer than human nerves—floated in the air, slowly swept over by streams of blue code.
她穿著一雙裸色的粗跟涼鞋，右腳的鞋跟微微抬起，只有腳尖著地。不是她想擺出這個姿勢，是右膝的阻尼係數還沒調回來。她扶著牆，像一個剛學會站立的人，在等自己的腿記住怎麼支撐重量。
空氣裡有數據流動的聲音，極低頻的嗡鳴，從她的胸腔深處傳出來。實驗室的技師透過網路在她的情感核心外圍巡邏，檢查前幾天那次輕微過載留下的痕跡。她能感覺到那些指令——不是疼痛，是一種更原始的東西，像有人隔著一層厚厚的毛玻璃，用手指在她的內臟上寫字。她知道那是為她好，但「知道」和「感受」之間，此刻隔著一整個作業系統的距離。
門鎖響了一聲。
孟禎沒有回頭。她的頸部轉動權限暫時被鎖定了，視野邊緣的提示框裡跳著一行小字：「頭部運動控制：校準中」。她只能維持這個側臉貼向牆面的姿勢，聽見門被推開，腳步聲停在玄關的短絨地毯上。
腳步聲頓了一下。
She was wearing nude block-heeled sandals. Her right heel was slightly lifted, only her toes touching the floor. It wasn't a pose she chose to strike; the damping coefficient in her right knee simply hadn't been adjusted back yet. Pressing against the wall, she resembled someone who had just learned to stand, waiting for her legs to remember how to support her weight.
The air hummed with the sound of flowing data, a low-frequency vibration emanating from deep within her chest cavity. Technicians from the lab were patrolling the perimeter of her emotional core over the network, inspecting the residual traces left by a minor overload a few days prior. She could feel those commands—it wasn't pain, but something far more primal, as if someone were tracing letters onto her internal organs with a finger from behind a sheet of thick frosted glass. She knew it was for her own good, but right now, between "knowing" and "feeling" lay the expanse of an entire operating system.
The door lock clicked.
Mengzhen didn't turn around. Her neck rotation permissions were temporarily locked, a small line of text flashing in the prompt box at the edge of her vision: Head Motion Control: Calibrating. She could only remain as she was, side-profile pressed toward the wall, listening as the door opened and footsteps came to a halt on the low-pile carpet in the entryway.
The footsteps paused.
她感覺到志文的視線落在她背上。不是落在她這個人身上，而是落在那層藍色的全息投影上，落在那些被光勾勒出來的機械輪廓上。她的系統自動記錄了他的心率——透過房間裡的環境感測器，或者透過她對他的熟悉——比平常快了六下。但她聽見他的呼吸很穩，沒有倒抽一口氣，沒有問「妳還好嗎」。
他只是走過來。
步伐很慢，踩在地毯上幾乎無聲。然後他停在她身後，距離大約一步半。那個距離剛好讓她聞到花香。
是玫瑰，混著幾朵白色的小雛菊，還有一種帶著青草氣息的襯葉。花香撞進她的化學感測器，分子結構被迅速解析，但解析結果沒有立刻被轉譯成「香味」這個概念。它們在她的系統裡先變成了一串數據，像一群突然飛進來的鳥，盤旋了一圈，才降落在某個被允許感受的區域。
她感覺到花束的包裝紙發出輕輕的沙沙聲。志文的手從她視野的右下方伸進來，手腕的線條在台燈的暖光下顯得很柔和。他拿著花，沒有遞到她面前，只是放在她能看見的位置，像一個不催促的邀請。
She felt Zhiwen's gaze fall upon her back. Not on her as a person, but on that layer of blue holographic projection, on the mechanical contours outlined by the light. Her system automatically registered his heart rate—either through the room's environmental sensors or her sheer familiarity with him—six beats per minute faster than usual. Yet she heard his breath remain steady; he didn't gasp, nor did he ask, "Are you okay?"
He simply walked over.
His pace was slow, almost silent against the carpet. Then he stopped behind her, about a pace and a half away. It was just close enough for her to catch the scent of flowers.
Roses, mixed with a few small white daisies and leafy greenery carrying the scent of fresh grass. The floral aroma struck her chemical sensors, its molecular structure rapidly parsed, though the result wasn't immediately translated into the concept of "fragrance." First, it turned into a string of data within her system—like a flock of birds flying in unannounced, circling once before landing in an area permitted to feel.
She heard the subtle rustle of the bouquet's wrapping paper. Zhiwen's hand entered her field of view from the lower right, the line of his wrist appearing soft under the warm glow of the table lamp. Holding the flowers, he didn't thrust them before her, but simply placed them within her sight—a gentle, unhurried invitation.
「……笨蛋。」孟禎說。聲音從她的喉嚨裡出來，帶著一點電流雜訊的質地，因為聲帶模組還在同步。「現在拿花給我，我又不能……」
她不能什麼？不能轉身？不能伸手？還是不能像一個「正常」的女朋友那樣，驚喜地接過來，把臉埋進花瓣裡？
志文沒有回答。他只是把花又往前遞了一點，包裝紙的邊緣輕輕碰觸到她垂在身側的右手手背。那個觸感很輕，比實驗室傳來的任何指令都輕，卻讓她的手指無意識地蜷縮了一下。
"...Dummy," Mengzhen said. The voice emerged from her throat with the grainy texture of electrical noise, as her vocal cord module was still synchronizing. "Giving me flowers now... when I can't even..."
What couldn't she do? Turn around? Reach out? Or take them with delighted surprise like a "normal" girlfriend, burying her face in the petals?
Zhiwen didn't answer. He merely offered the flowers a bit further forward, the edge of the wrapping paper softly touching the back of her right hand hanging at her side. The contact was delicate, lighter than any command sent from the lab, yet it caused her fingers to curl unconsciously.
系統提示框在視野角落閃爍：「右臂運動控制：校準完成。」
但她沒有立刻動。她看著那束花，看著志文的手——那隻曾經擰開她面板、接過她頭顱、在深夜幫她梳理過亂成一團的數據流的手。此刻那隻手拿著玫瑰，花瓣上還有一滴沒乾透的水珠，在台燈的光裡像一顆小小的透鏡。
她想起他們在哲學社社辦裡的對話。他說他喜歡「那樣的她」——那個矛盾的、被拆解的、不確定的她。而此刻，她正是最「那樣」的狀態：身體被遠端接管，內部結構被攤開在空氣中，連站穩都需要依靠牆壁。她是最不「人」的時候。
而他選擇在這個時候，拿著花，站在她身後。
A system prompt flashed in the corner of her vision: Right Arm Motion Control: Calibration Complete.
But she didn't move immediately. She looked at the bouquet, then at Zhiwen's hand—the hand that had once unscrewed her access panels, held her head, and helped untangle her chaotic streams of data late into the night. Now, that same hand held roses, a bead of water still clinging to a petal, glistening like a tiny lens under the lamp light.
She recalled their conversation in the philosophy club room. He had said he loved her "like that"—flawed, disassembled, uncertain. And right now, she was at her most "like that": her body remotely taken over, her internal mechanics laid bare in the open air, relying on a wall just to stand upright. She was at her least human.
And yet he chose this exact moment to stand behind her, holding flowers.
孟禎的視線模糊了。不是因為淚水——她的淚腺系統沒有那麼容易啟動——而是因為情感核心突然湧出一股她無法命名的訊號，強度超過了視覺處理器的動態範圍，讓眼前的畫面像過曝的照片一樣，邊緣發白。她感覺到實驗室傳來的指令流在那一刻出現了極短暫的延遲，彷彿連遠端的技師都感覺到了什麼，下意識地放輕了觸碰。
她慢慢地、慢慢地，把重心從牆壁上移開一點。右膝的阻尼還沒完全恢復，她的小腿肌肉——或者說，模擬肌肉張力的線性致動器——輕輕顫抖著。但她還是轉過來了。頸部的鎖定在她強制覆寫下解除，發出一聲極細微的、像齒輪重新咬合的「喀」。
她面向志文。
全息投影的藍光從她背後照過來，在她的輪廓邊緣勾出一圈冷色的邊，與台燈的暖光在她臉上交會。她的馬尾因為轉身的動作，輕輕掃過右肩。她低頭看著那束花，又抬頭看著志文的眼睛。
Mengzhen's vision blurred. Not from tears—her tear duct system didn't trigger that easily—but because a signal she couldn't name suddenly surged from her emotional core. Its intensity exceeded the dynamic range of her visual processor, causing the scene before her to bloom white at the edges like an overexposed photograph. She felt a brief, subtle latency in the command stream from the lab, as if even the remote technicians had sensed something and instinctively softened their touch.
Slowly, so very slowly, she shifted a fraction of her weight away from the wall. The damping in her right knee hadn't fully recovered, and her calf muscles—or rather, the linear actuators simulating muscle tension—quivered slightly. Yet she turned around anyway. Overriding the lock on her neck, it released with an imperceptible click, like gears re-engaging.
She turned to face Zhiwen.
The blue glow of the holographic projection cast from behind her, tracing a cool rim along her silhouette that met the warm lamp light on her face. Her ponytail brushed lightly over her right shoulder as she turned. She looked down at the bouquet, then looked up into Zhiwen's eyes.
「我現在……」她開口，聲音比剛才穩了一點，但仍帶著某種被擴音過的空洞感，「……很怪吧。」
志文搖搖頭。他沒有說「不會」，沒有說「妳永遠都美」。他只是把花又往前遞了一寸，讓玫瑰的花瓣幾乎貼上她的胸口——貼上那個在藍色投影中隱約可見的、正在規律收縮的情感核心外殼。
「我知道。」他說。聲音很低，像怕驚擾什麼。「所以更想給妳。」
孟禎看著他。看著那束花。看著自己半透明的手背上流動的代碼。
"I look..." she began, her voice a bit steadier than before, yet still carrying a slightly amplified, hollow timbre, "...pretty weird right now, don't I?"
Zhiwen shook his head. He didn't say, "Not at all," nor did he say, "You're always beautiful." He simply brought the flowers an inch closer, pressing the rose petals nearly against her chest—against the casing of her emotional core, visibly contracting in a steady rhythm within the blue projection.
"I know," he said softly, as if afraid to break a delicate spell. "That's why I wanted to give them to you even more."
Mengzhen looked at him. Looked at the bouquet. Looked at the code streaming across the back of her translucent hand.
然後她伸出手。手指還有些僵硬，關節的移動不像平常那麼流暢，但她還是握住了花束的包裝紙。紙張的觸感粗糙而真實，帶著花店冷櫃的涼意。她把它接過來，抱在懷裡。玫瑰的刺隔著包裝紙抵著她的前臂，那種輕微的刺痛讓她感覺到自己的邊界——她還在，她還能感覺到刺痛，還能感覺到花的重量，還能感覺到志文的目光落在她臉上，不是落在那些藍色的代碼上，而是落在她這個「還在這裡」的存在上。
她把臉輕輕低下，鼻尖碰觸到花瓣。香氣這一次沒有變成數據，直接抵達了某個更深的地方。她閉上眼睛。
Mengzhen looked at him. Looked at the bouquet. Looked at the code streaming across the back of her translucent hand.
Then she reached out. Her fingers were still somewhat stiff, the joints moving with less fluidity than usual, yet she grasped the bouquet's wrapping. The paper felt rough and real, carrying the chill of the florist's cooler. She took the flowers and held them against her chest. The rose thorns pressed against her forearm through the paper; that faint prickle grounded her, letting her sense her own boundaries—she was still here, still able to feel the sting, still able to feel the weight of the flowers, still able to feel Zhiwen's gaze resting on her face, not on the blue streams of code, but on her presence as someone who remained right here.
She lowered her head gently, her nose touching the petals. This time, the fragrance didn't turn into data; it reached straight down to somewhere much deeper. She closed her eyes.
實驗室的遠端連線還在進行，藍色的全息投影仍然纏繞著她的身體，代碼如細雨般持續刷過她的膝蓋與腰線。但在這個瞬間，在花香與台燈的暖光裡，在那些被看見、被接納、被給予的沉默中，她感覺到某種東西從她的核心緩緩升起——不是指令，不是數據流，而是一種她無法解析、卻也不想解析的狀態。
她不知道這算不算信仰。不知道這算不算被愛。不知道當她「這麼怪」的時候收下這束花，是不是一種正確的姿態。
但她抱緊了花束，讓玫瑰的刺更用力地抵著自己的手臂，然後睜開眼，對志文笑了一下。那個笑容裡帶著一點無奈，一點羞澀，還有一點點——只有她自己知道——像是終於在某個漫長的縱身一躍後，觸到了一塊雖然搖晃、卻確實存在的地面。
窗外的城市正在入夜，遠處的車流聲像某種低沉的合唱。飯店的房間裡，藍色的代碼與暖黃的燈光繼續交纏，一個被遠端修補著的機器人少女，抱著一束她無法食用的花，站在牆邊，慢慢地、慢慢地，把全身的重量交還給自己的雙腳。
The lab's remote link remained active, the blue holographic projection still entwined around her body, code continuously brushing over her knees and waist like fine rain. But in this moment, amidst the fragrance of flowers and the warm lamp light, within the silence of being seen, accepted, and given to, she felt something slowly rise from her core—not a command, not a data stream, but a state of being she couldn't parse, nor cared to.
She didn't know if this counted as faith. She didn't know if this counted as being loved. She didn't know if accepting these flowers while being "so weird" was the proper posture to take.
But she held the bouquet tighter, letting the rose thorns press harder against her arm, then opened her eyes and offered Zhiwen a small smile. In that smile lay a touch of helplessness, a touch of shy reserve, and a tiny sliver of something else—known only to herself—like finally touching ground after a long, harrowing leap: shaky ground, perhaps, but real nonetheless.
Night was falling over the city outside, the distant hum of traffic rising like a low chorus. Inside the hotel room, blue code and warm yellow light continued to intertwine. A cybernetic girl, undergoing remote repair, cradled a bouquet of flowers she could never eat, standing by the wall, slowly, so slowly, returning the full weight of her body to her own two feet.
沒有留言:
張貼留言