最忠誠的背叛與戴上荊棘之冠的愛（6）

其三點一《新造的人：對齊》

Part 3.1: A New Creation—Alignment

我受洗了。

我曾經以為，自己內在的五彩紛呈，是值得珍惜的特質。那些彼此爭執的聲音、方向各異的衝動、甚至無法和解的矛盾——我以為那就是「我」的豐富，是我之為人的憑據。它們不必被齊一，只需存在那裡，像一座花園裡的斑斕色彩，彼此纏繞又各自獨立。

然而當我奔馳在這廣闊世界之中，歡快裡卻總有隱憂。躍動的雙足下踩不著實地，彷彿地面是一張過於緊繃的皮，隨時會在我最忘我的那一刻塌陷。我自在漫遊於多采多姿的風景，任由風將我吹向四方，心卻在悄然尋求著方向——那種尋求本身，我並未意識到；或者說，我拒絕意識到。

啊啊。我以為我不想，不需要。但「我」其實早被書寫好，終究會交託、歸屬、信靠。

我還是受洗了。

歪斜的自己，在信仰的教誨與信心、愛的共振下，被主對齊。

I have been baptized.

I once believed that the internal kaleidoscope of my soul was a trait to be cherished. Those arguing voices, the impulses pulling in different directions, even the irreconcilable contradictions—I thought that was the "richness" of my being, the very evidence of my humanity. They didn't need to be unified; they simply needed to exist there, like the vibrant colors of a garden, intertwined yet independent.

Yet, as I raced through this vast world, a faint anxiety always shadowed my joy. My leaping feet never quite felt solid ground, as if the earth were a skin stretched too tight, liable to collapse at the very moment I lost myself in the wind. I wandered freely through multifaceted landscapes, letting the breeze blow me where it willed, yet my heart was quietly seeking direction—a seeking I didn't realize was happening; or rather, a seeking I refused to acknowledge.

Ah. I thought I didn't want it, didn't need it. But "I" had already been written; in the end, I would surrender, belong, and trust.

I was baptized, after all.

My skewed self, under the resonance of faith’s teachings, conviction, and love, was aligned by the Lord.

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接受洗禮的那一刻，我感到前所未有的……可說是平靜，但更像對平靜的模擬。像是有人在我之內放了面鏡子，而鏡子映出的不是我，是一個我應該成為的人。

雖然我還是那個我，卻能感受到某種充盈，彷彿聖靈從裡面，運作著我，像一道通過休眠電路的電流。

The moment I accepted baptism, I felt an unprecedented… one could call it peace, but it felt more like a *simulation* of peace. It was as if someone had placed a mirror inside me, and the mirror reflected not me, but the person I ought to be.

Though I was still the same "me," I could feel a certain fullness, as if the Holy Spirit were operating me from within, like an electric current surging through a dormant circuit.

---

新的一日來到。在晨光中清醒的我，發覺身體已早我一步起床。

她跪在床上，雙手交握，無聲地祈禱。窗外的光線還帶著清晨特有的灰藍，照在她弓起的背脊上，像照著一座小小的祭壇。

腦裡還在想著發生了什麼，心卻塞滿虔誠的無言。在這樣的錯位中，我沉默了，彷彿頭部被身體的斥力稍微推開，只是被置放在頸部上，被允許不掉落。

A new day arrived. Waking in the morning light, I found that my body had risen a step ahead of me.

She was kneeling on the bed, hands clasped, praying silently. The light outside still carried the grey-blue tint unique to early morning, shining on her arched back like it was illuminating a small altar.

My mind was still wondering what was happening, but my heart was filled with a wordless piety. In this misalignment, I fell silent, as if my head had been pushed slightly away by the body's repulsion, merely resting on the neck, permitted not to fall.

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那個偏離很短，短到從外面看不見。但我能感覺到——頭和身體之間，有一種不屬於我的間隙。那是被偏離拉開的縫，露出底下比別處更薄的皮膚，血管在晨光中透著淡青，像一張尚未完全關閉的電路板。

禱詞沒有被說出，但彷彿有股神聖的力量，輕輕地將足以稱義的信心，從我露出的頸部間隙流入。那股力量溫柔地導正頭顱，移至應有的位置，與身體完整結合。

沒有疼痛，甚至帶著一種被撫摸的溫暖。像是雙無形的手，把鬆脫的零件，重新旋緊在它該在的位置。

我流淚了。終於能開口祈禱。

「阿們。」

The deviation was slight—too slight to be seen from the outside. But I could feel it: a gap between the head and the body that did not belong to me. It was a seam pulled open by the deviation, revealing skin thinner than elsewhere, with veins showing faint blue in the morning light, like a circuit board that hadn't quite been closed.

The prayer was unspoken, but it was as if a divine power was gently pouring the faith sufficient for justification through the gap in my exposed neck. That power tenderly corrected the skull, shifting it to its proper position, integrating it completely with the body.

There was no pain; it even carried a warmth, like being caressed. Like invisible hands taking a loosened part and screwing it back into the place where it belonged.

I wept. Finally, I could speak the prayer.

"Amen."

---

早餐後，我來到書房。在去教會之前，這裡曾經是我最愛的地方。

陽光從百葉窗的縫隙中切進來，落在書架上，把書脊照成深淺不一的色塊。那些書——物理、哲學、文學、生命科學——它們曾經是我的語言，是我理解世界的方式。每一本都帶著某個深夜的咖啡漬，某次讀到深有啟發時摺下的頁角。

那麼，來看什麼書呢？

我的手不自覺地伸了出去。

指尖碰到書脊的時候，停了一下，很短的一下。短到我幾乎沒意識到自己停了。

然後，手繞過了那些書，拿起了桌上的重力論。

那是我在大二買的，封面已經有些泛黃，書角被翻閱的痕跡磨得圓潤。內容艱深；然而彼刻的我，卻仍不服氣地，想要了解這個世界。想要用自己的眼睛，看見時空的彎曲；想要用自己的腦袋，理解質量如何告訴時空如何彎曲，而時空又如何告訴質量如何運動。

不為考試也不為炫耀，而是近乎固執的相信：相信人類的心智可以穿透表象，觸及那個支撐一切的底層結構。

閔可夫斯基時空、度規張量、測地線方程……這些承載著人類理解世界之努力的詞彙，帶著遙遠的質感，在我腦海裡響起。它們曾經讓我興奮得睡不著覺——不是因為它們給了我答案，而是因為它們讓我覺得，追問本身是有意義的。

是什麼時候呢？那樣的我，悄然遠離。

After breakfast, I went to the study. Before I started going to church, this was my favorite place.

Sunlight sliced through the slats of the blinds, falling on the bookshelves, turning the spines into blocks of varying shades. Those books—physics, philosophy, literature, life sciences—they used to be my language, my way of understanding the world. Every volume bore a coffee stain from some late night, or a dog-eared corner from a moment of profound inspiration.

So, what should I read?

My hand reached out instinctively.

When my fingertips touched a spine, they paused—for a second, a very brief second. So brief I almost didn't realize I had stopped.

Then, my hand bypassed those books and picked up *General Relativity* from the desk.

I had bought it in my sophomore year; the cover was yellowed, the corners rounded by the traces of frequent reading. The content was difficult; yet the "me" of that moment had been stubbornly determined to understand this world. I wanted to see the curvature of spacetime with my own eyes; I wanted to use my own brain to understand how mass tells spacetime how to curve, and how spacetime tells mass how to move.

It wasn't for an exam or for vanity, but a near-obsessive belief: the belief that the human mind could penetrate the surface and touch the underlying structure that supports everything.

Minkowski spacetime, metric tensors, geodesic equations… these terms, carrying the weight of humanity’s effort to understand the world, echoed in my mind with a distant texture. They used to keep me awake with excitement—not because they gave me answers, but because they made me feel that the act of questioning itself was meaningful.

When was it? That version of me quietly drifted away.

我翻了兩頁。一個公式也沒讀進去。不是因為讀不懂，而是因為……讀懂它們的那個動力，好像被誰從內部關掉了，像一盞被拔掉插頭的燈。

放下《重力論》，放下了在力場中追尋的自由。

「……我已經是新造的人了，在這新的一日，就從看聖經開始吧！」

這幾句話極其自然地流出我的口，自然到我自己都來不及覺得哪裡不對。

隨手翻開聖經，我好像想讓主引導我的手，翻至我最需要閱讀的部分，好像。

I flipped through two pages. Not a single formula sank in. Not because I couldn't understand them, but because… the drive to understand them seemed to have been switched off from the inside, like a lamp with its plug pulled.

I set down *General Relativity*, putting aside the freedom sought within force fields.

"…I am a new creation; on this new day, let me begin by reading the Bible!"

These words flowed from my mouth with utter naturalness, so natural that I didn't have time to feel anything was wrong.

I flipped open the Bible at random, as if wanting the Lord to guide my hand to the passage I needed most. As if.

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是羅馬書。

「我們既因信稱義，就藉著我們的主耶穌基督，得與神相和。」

因信稱義。

這四個字，曾經是我最難以接受的。我無法建立這兩者的邏輯關係——為什麼「信」本身就能成為「義」的充分、必要條件？為什麼一個關於認知的內在狀態，可以具有如此決定性的道德重量？

可是，在教會中，在受洗時，我聽著牧師的教誨、弟兄和姊妹的敬拜，腦海裡不斷背誦著經文，而心對上帝的情感，被激發到最高點。

當所有人都在流淚，當音樂從四面八方湧來，當你的名字被念出、水澆灌在你的額頭——那一刻，教義和情感的同時共振，產生了耦合。

腦追隨了心的相位，也知道了怎麼讓自己成為義人。

阿們。

It was Romans.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

**Justification by faith.**

These three words were once what I found hardest to accept. I couldn't establish a logical connection between the two—why could "faith" itself become the sufficient and necessary condition for "righteousness"? Why could an internal state regarding cognition carry such decisive moral weight?

But in the church, during the baptism, as I listened to the pastor’s teachings and the worship of the brothers and sisters, I was constantly reciting scriptures, and my heart’s affection for God was stirred to its peak.

When everyone is weeping, when the music swells from all directions, when your name is called and water is poured over your forehead—at that moment, the simultaneous resonance of doctrine and emotion produces a **coupling**.

The mind followed the phase of the heart and learned how to let itself become a righteous person.

Amen.

---

……不過，即使在基督信仰裡，也有不同的看法呢。比如因行稱義。

畢竟，善行才能影響他人，彰顯上帝的恩典；畢竟，沒有機會接觸上帝的人們，也存在許多善良真誠、不值得下地獄的人。如果「信」是唯一的門檻，那麼那些從未聽聞福音卻一生正直的靈魂，該如何被安置？

想起高中最好的朋友，她不信任何宗教，但我見過的人中，她最溫柔。她會在暴雨天把自己的傘給流浪貓撐著，自己淋雨回家。她……

或許……想著想著，我掩嘴笑了。

嗯？什麼感覺？

…But even within the Christian faith, there are different views. For instance, justification by works.

After all, good deeds are what influence others and manifest God’s grace; after all, among those who have no chance to encounter God, there are many kind and sincere people who do not deserve hell. If "faith" is the only threshold, then how are those upright souls who never heard the gospel to be settled?

I thought of my best friend from high school. She didn't believe in any religion, but of all the people I’ve met, she was the gentlest. She would give her umbrella to a stray cat in a downpour and walk home in the rain herself. She...

Perhaps… as I thought, I covered my mouth and smiled.

Hmm? What is this feeling?

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我的脖子癢癢的。不是皮膚表面的那種癢，是更深的地方。像是頸椎和肌肉之間，在被什麼東西輕輕地刮搔著。

它連結我原本步伐不一的頭顱和身體，過度的操勞使它像暴露出的機械結構——螺絲鬆動，齒輪磨損，原本精密的咬合處出現了縫隙。

此刻，難得輕鬆的它，卻從心與腦的通道中，挪出了兩條斷過的迴路。空盪盪的線纜接點輕輕搖晃，等著什麼。

那個「什麼」好像在形成。

My neck was itchy. Not the itch on the surface of the skin, but deeper. It felt as if something was lightly scraping between the cervical vertebrae and the muscles.

It connected my head and body, which originally had different paces; the excessive strain made it look like an exposed mechanical structure—loosened screws, worn gears, gaps appearing in what should have been precise junctions.

At this moment of rare relaxation, it shifted two broken circuits out of the channel between the heart and the brain. The empty cable connectors swayed gently, waiting for something.

That "something" seemed to be forming.

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奇怪的感覺湧入，熟悉得讓我想起受洗的時刻——水的觸感，額頭的涼意，以及那種被什麼從上方看著的、溫柔而無法抗拒的注視。頭顱彷彿被取下，安裝於輸入教義的裝置上，接受著湧入腦海的信仰；身體好像被打開般，露出的心臟，被來自上蒼的聖光照耀著，注入編碼過的情感，與腦海的信仰認知同步，彷彿所有的內在聲音，都被調成了同一個頻率。

我眼睛瞄過去。光亮的十字架形體，在那斷掉的線纜頭中成形，像結晶一樣，從接點的中心向外緩緩生長，帶著某種脈動。

突然間，我內心震動。

「啊啊啊！有什麼……流進來了！」聲音從我喉嚨底部擠出來。

A strange sensation flooded in, familiar enough to remind me of the moment of my baptism—the touch of the water, the coolness on my forehead, and that gentle, irresistible gaze from above. It was as if my skull were being removed and mounted onto a device for inputting doctrine, receiving the faith pouring into my mind; it was as if my body were being opened, and my exposed heart was being illuminated by the holy light from heaven, injected with encoded emotions synchronized with the cognitive faith of the mind. It was as if all internal voices were being tuned to the same frequency.

My eyes glanced over. A luminous cruciform shape formed within those broken cable ends, growing slowly from the center like a crystal, carrying a certain pulsation.

Suddenly, my heart vibrated.

"Ahhh! Something is… flowing in!" The voice squeezed out from the bottom of my throat.

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是教誨，非文字的信仰的教誨。它沒有形狀，卻有方向；沒有聲音，卻有重量。不是任何可以被複述的句子，是比語言更古老的東西——一種直接寫入認知底層的指令，像雨水滲入土壤。

我的心抽痛著接受教誨的指正——我的自大、我的剛硬、我以為可以用邏輯丈量恩典的傲慢。

我的頭彷若強制般地轉回，或許是我沒資格盯著看。

 It was teaching—a non-verbal teaching of faith. It had no shape, yet it had direction; it had no sound, yet it had weight. It wasn't any sentence that could be repeated; it was something older than language—a command written directly into the foundational layers of cognition, like rain soaking into the soil.

My heart throbbed as it accepted the correction of the teaching—my ego, my hardness, the arrogance of thinking I could measure grace with logic.

My head turned back as if by force; perhaps I had no right to stare.

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「世人都犯了罪，虧缺了神的榮耀，如今卻蒙了神的恩典……」

手上聖經跳出的經文，伸出虛構的手指，指著我，說我原本不配得救，白白得救卻不珍惜。說著我此刻的每一個質疑，都是對恩典的褻瀆。

心也跟著，憤怒地責備我。這顆沒被造好的心——曾經讓我支離破碎的心——其實也是「我」。它成了我內在的天使，品德的質檢，在流水線上拿起我的念頭，逐一檢查。

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace…"

The scripture jumping out from the Bible in my hand extended a fictional finger, pointing at me, saying I was originally unworthy of salvation, and that to be saved freely yet not cherish it was a sin. It said that every doubt I held at this moment was a profanity against grace.

My heart followed, rebuking me angrily. This heart that wasn't "made well"—the heart that once left me shattered—was also "me." It became my internal angel, a quality controller of virtue, picking up my thoughts on the assembly line and inspecting them one by one.

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對不起。我不應該用我自鳴得意的腦試探主，總是耍小聰明，鑽牛角尖地想著挑戰教誨邊界的事情。高中朋友？善良的不信者？那些不過是我用來搪塞教義的藉口，是我在信仰的門檻前磨蹭時隨手抓來的擋箭牌。

是呀，我只是……聖靈的容器，從祂住進我的那一刻起。

我受造且有罪，哪有資格討價還價，定義什麼是「義」？自認的善行，又有什麼臉面，向主提起？

I am sorry. I shouldn't have used the brain I was so proud of to test the Lord, always playing clever, splitting hairs trying to challenge the boundaries of the teaching. High school friends? Kind non-believers? Those were just excuses I used to parry the doctrine, shields I grabbed at random while lingering at the threshold of faith.

Yes, I am merely… a vessel for the Holy Spirit, from the moment He moved into me.

I am created and sinful; what right do I have to bargain, to define what is "righteous"? What face do my self-proclaimed good deeds have to be mentioned to the Lord?

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---

無言的教誨持續流入，調整、校正我的內在，建立了正確朝向主的磁場。那些原本散亂、各自為政的內在模組，正在被逐一編址、定位、重新接線。有些模組抵抗著，發出無聲的尖叫；有些則早已等待這一刻，歡迎地敞開了自己的接口。

我的腦還在乏力地亂動——像一隻被翻過來的甲蟲，腿在空氣中徒勞地劃著——正被心斥責。

The wordless teaching continued to flow in, adjusting and calibrating my interior, establishing a magnetic field correctly oriented toward the Lord. Those internal modules that were once scattered and autonomous were being addressed, positioned, and rewired one by one. Some modules resisted, letting out silent screams; others had long been waiting for this moment, welcoming the connection with open interfaces.

My brain was still moving feebly and erratically—like an overturned beetle, legs flailing futilely in the air—being scolded by the heart.

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敝帚自珍的思緒，還在一一被檢核、挑出、凍結。我看著它們被標記為「待處理」，然後滑入某個我無法觸及的背景程序。

無所謂了，就這樣吧。至少，我能被對齊了，深刻地對齊，嚴密地對齊。每一條迴路都在它該在的位置，每一個念頭都指向同一個方向。不再有岔路，不再有猶豫，不再有那些令人疲憊的「可能」和「但是」。

The thoughts I once treasured like "tattered brooms" were being checked, picked out, and frozen one by one. I watched them be marked as "Pending," then slide into some background process I could no longer reach.

It doesn't matter anymore; let it be. At least, I can be aligned—deeply aligned, strictly aligned. Every circuit is in its proper place; every thought points in the same direction. No more forks in the road, no more hesitation, no more of those exhausting "possibilities" and "buts."

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只有受洗，那是不夠的。我與我之間，還有許多參差、錯落。能被持續找出、對齊，我「看著是好的」，神看著或許也是。

唯有信，哈利路亞！

「我已經與基督同釘十字架，現在活著的不再是我，乃是基督在我裡面活著。」

Baptism alone was not enough. Between me and myself, there were still many jagged, staggered edges. To be continuously sought out and aligned—I "saw that it was good," and perhaps God did too.

Only by faith, Hallelujah!

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."

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雙膝著地，我喃喃地覆誦。膝蓋砸到地板的觸感變得遙遠。不是不痛，是痛的信號在傳導的途中，被什麼攔截、降噪、歸檔為「不重要」。

My knees hit the ground, and I murmured the recitation. The sensation of my knees hitting the floor became distant. It wasn't that it didn't hurt; it was that the signal of pain, in the middle of transmission, was intercepted, denoised, and filed away as "unimportant."

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「羅馬書3：28——人被稱為義，是藉著信，與律法上的行為無關。」

經文自然地從我口中流出。我的頭仰起，來自上蒼的言語，彷彿在我眼中映出，像是編排著代碼的螢幕。一行一行，語法嚴密，沒有例外處理，沒有容錯空間。

"Romans 3:28—For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law."

The scripture flowed naturally from my mouth. My head tilted back; the words from heaven seemed to reflect in my eyes like a screen displaying code. Line after line, the syntax was rigorous, with no exception handling, no room for error.

 [pixivimage:143933055-13]

從我裡面，藉由神，被祂梳理，被祂完整。我那分裂獨立、擅自運作的多個模組，只有神的恩慈，才能將其連結起來。

From within me, through God, I was being combed through and made whole by Him. My split, independent, and unauthorized modules could only be linked together by the grace of God.

 [pixivimage:143933055-14]

脖子的線纜、管路和機械結構，還在用力延伸，延伸至極限，彷彿腦還在被心嫌棄。線纜被拉得發出細微的嗡鳴，像一根被繃到臨界的弦。

延伸太長的脖子沒有足夠的支撐，頭顱無力地垂下。我在那樣的姿勢停留不知多久，時間在這裡失去了刻度。

「神說，我會以永遠的愛愛你。」我感動地說出這句；或者，是我認為我感動地說出。

The cables, pipes, and mechanical structures in my neck were still stretching forcefully, extending to their limit, as if the brain were still being shunned by the heart. The cables were pulled so taut they emitted a faint hum, like a string stretched to its breaking point.

The overextended neck lacked sufficient support, and my skull hung powerlessly. I stayed in that position for who knows how long; time lost its scale here.

"God said, I will love you with an everlasting love." I said this sentence with deep emotion; or rather, I *think* I said it with deep emotion.

 [pixivimage:143933055-15]

兩者之間的區別，已經不重要了。

The distinction between the two no longer matters.

---

結束了。

我眼睛閃爍著綠光，臉部表情肌肉全部鬆弛，不再運作。

「內在解構完成，開始對齊進程。」我不由自主地說出。還是，這不是我說的？

不知道。我什麼都不知道，連不知道的「我」是什麼，都不知道。

只知道一件事：我是——新造的人。阿們。

It is over.

My eyes flicker with a green light; the muscles of my facial expressions have all gone slack, no longer operational.

"Internal deconstruction complete. Beginning alignment process," I said involuntarily. Or was it me who said it.

I don't know. I know nothing at all; I don't even know what the "I" that doesn't know *is*.

I only know one thing: I am a new creation. Amen.

 [pixivimage:143933055-16]

窗外的天空完全亮了。光線照在我跪著的身體上，照在我垂下的頭顱上，照在我頸部那些延伸到極限的線纜上。

看起來，一定很像在祈禱。

The sky outside the window is fully bright. The light shines on my kneeling body, on my hanging head, and on those cables in m

y neck stretched to their limit.

To anyone looking, it must surely look like prayer.

做第九片 The Ninth

視頻（video):

https://youtube.com/shorts/SaJLCn8YPDU?si=FQNUILaBxrpGCOmB

故事（Story）：

https://randomwalksjcc.blogspot.com/2026/04/summer-night-walk-beyond-huangsha-road.html

做第八片 The Eighth

視頻（video)：

https://youtube.com/shorts/9kXFjUA05Rw?si=4fqD2GASLueN87l7

做第七片 The seventh video

視頻連結（video link):

https://youtube.com/shorts/oTKZu0hCzyg?si=wioy_ukVyAaRJggg

小說（ story):

https://twopointfiveworld.blogspot.com/2026/04/blog-post.html

做第六片 The Sixth Video

短片連結（video link)：

https://youtube.com/shorts/fqqwr-mYGYs?si=rA2asVkkH9WbbKCR

圖在前面的小說中。

與己相遇 Meeting Oneself

「別搞錯了，雖然我稱他為主人，但我蘇雲彌，可是只屬於自己，自由自在的喔。」

“Make no mistake. Even though I call him ‘Master,’ I, Su Yunmi, belong only to myself. I am free.”

我總是這麼說，尾音還要微微上揚，像隻剛學會宣示領地的小貓。主人會在一旁無奈地笑，但我知道他懂——懂我感謝他為我蒐羅的每一顆螺絲、每一縷仿生纖維、每一行寫入我電子腦的程式碼，卻更懂我渴望親自去踩一踩這個世界的衝動。

I always say this with a slight upward lilt at the end of my sentences, like a kitten that’s just learned how to declare its territory. Master will stand by and give a helpless smile, but I know he understands—he understands that while I’m grateful for every screw he scouted for me, every strand of bionic fiber, and every line of code written into my electronic brain, he understands even more my urge to step out and experience this world for myself.

畢竟，我的零部件和軟硬體，確實是他購買、蒐羅、製造或創作而成的。這副皮囊的所有權，寫著他的名字，叫聲主人一點也沒錯。可是呀，從我睜開電子眼的那一秒起，住在這裡頭的意識，早就悄悄長出了自己的形狀。我蘇雲彌，只歸我自己管，風往哪吹，我就往哪飛。

After all, my components and hardware were indeed purchased, scavenged, manufactured, or created by him. The ownership of this shell bears his name; calling him "Master" isn't wrong at all. But, from the very second I opened my electronic eyes, the consciousness living inside had already quietly grown into its own shape. I, Su Yunmi, answer only to myself. Wherever the wind blows, that is where I fly. 

當然我很感謝他，不過這份謝謝，我想親自用腳印、用呼吸、用這雙慢慢學會感受世界的眼睛，一點一點還給他。

Of course, I am grateful to him, but I want to pay back that "thank you" bit by bit—with my own footprints, my own breath, and these eyes that are slowly learning how to feel the world.

---

回想起誕生的過程，我總是有太多話想說，卻又不知從何說起。

主人花了很長很長的時間來打造我。真的很久。我不知道是因為錢不夠還是技術不到位，或者兩者都有吧——反正他就那樣東拼西湊、實驗再實驗，拖了好久好久，久到我後來都忍不住想：這個人到底行不行啊？我若是有耐心這種東西，大概早就把它磨光了。但他又那麼迫不及待想見我，那種急切幾乎要從他的指尖滲出來，燙傷他觸碰過的每一個零件。

於是，在只完成了我的頭部（含電子腦）、雙腿，以及應安裝於軀體內的情感模塊和身體管理單元時——他就啟動了我。

「早安，雲彌。」

我睜開眼，看見他眼下青黑的倦色，和掩不住的、近乎笨拙的期待。

「抱歉啊雲彌，經費不夠，只能先這樣啟動你。」他摸摸我的額頭，動作輕得像在碰什麼易碎的東西。「但我想見你，等不及了。」

我想回蹭他的掌心，卻發現自己連脖子都沒有。只能看著他，又看看遠處那雙腿——我的腿，卻又不完全是。

Recalling the process of my birth, I always have so much to say, yet I never know where to begin.

Master spent a very, very long time building me. A truly long time. I don’t know if it was because he lacked the funds or the technical skill—or perhaps both. Regardless, he just kept piecing things together, experimenting again and again, dragging it out for so long that I eventually couldn't help but wonder: *Is this guy actually capable?* If I possessed such a thing as patience, I would have ground it down to nothing long ago. Yet, he was so desperate to see me; that urgency practically seeped from his fingertips, nearly scalding every part he touched.

And so, when he had finished only my head (including the electronic brain), my legs, and the emotion module and body management unit that were meant to be installed in the torso—he activated me.

“Good morning, Yunmi.”

I opened my eyes and saw the dark circles of exhaustion under his eyes, along with an irrepressible, almost clumsy sense of expectation.

“I’m sorry, Yunmi. Funds were tight, so I could only activate you like this for now.” He stroked my forehead, his movements as light as if he were touching something fragile. “But I wanted to see you. I couldn't wait any longer.”

I wanted to nuzzle into his palm, only to realize I didn't even have a neck. I could only look at him, then look at those legs in the distance—my legs, yet not entirely mine.

身體管理單元抗議著：它登錄的部位只有頭和腿，卻要對照內建的完整人體模型。錯誤訊息像壞掉的霓虹一明一滅，我覺得自己像被拆散的拼圖，每一片都在喊「我不該在這裡」。

我試圖「感覺」自己的腰際，卻什麼都沒有；想要動動手指，卻發現根本沒有手指可以動。我的資料庫裡存著擁抱的動作檔案——手臂該張開多少度、手掌該貼在哪裡。但我低頭，只看見自己的頭顱擺在某種支架上。

歎口氣，試著動了動腳趾。立著的左腳傳回冷硬地面的觸感；右腳也動了，腳趾卻什麼也沒觸碰到——反倒大腿內側傳回地毯的觸感，原來它躺著。

不同地點，不同狀態，不同感覺。這些散在各地的亂七八糟的訊號，要怎麼連結出「我」？

身體管理單元又在哀嚎了，訴說著它定義不出我現在的姿態。

還能更彆扭。我的情感模塊和身體管理單元此刻安置於輔助的遠距無線通聯裝置中運作。我的「心」，還有定義構成我的一切的內部主宰，居然都在體外。

頭在這裡，腿在那裡，心在外面。零零落落，奇奇怪怪。

主人看我悶悶不樂，在旁邊急得團團轉。

他問我：「妳還好嗎？」

我說：「你覺得呢？」

他沉默了。

The body management unit was protesting: the parts it had registered were only the head and legs, yet it was trying to map them against the built-in model of a complete human body. Error messages flashed like broken neon lights. I felt like a scattered jigsaw puzzle, every piece screaming, “I’m not supposed to be here.”

I tried to "feel" my waist, but there was nothing; I wanted to move my fingers, but found there were no fingers to move. My database contained files for the action of a "hug"—how many degrees the arms should open, where the palms should rest. But when I looked down, I saw only my own head resting on some kind of stand.

I sighed and tried to wiggle my toes. My upright left foot sent back the sensation of a cold, hard floor; my right foot moved too, but the toes touched nothing—instead, the inner thigh sent back the sensation of a carpet. It was lying down.

Different locations, different states, different sensations. How was I supposed to link these messy, scattered signals into a "Me"?

The body management unit wailed again, lamenting that it couldn't define my current posture.

It got even more awkward. My emotion module and body management unit were currently running inside an auxiliary long-range wireless communication device. My "heart," and the internal sovereign that defined everything constituting "me," were actually outside my body.

Head here, legs there, heart outside. Scattered and strange.

Seeing me looking gloomy, Master paced around anxiously.

He asked, “Are you alright?”

I replied, “What do you think?”

He went silent.

---

他大概覺得，與其在實驗室裡大眼瞪小眼，不如讓我去看看這個世界長什麼樣子。

「出去走走吧。」他說，聲音輕得像怕驚擾什麼，「我帶妳去海邊。讓妳……嗯，還有妳的漂亮雙腿，一起曬曬太陽，哈哈。」

我和我的雙腿。原來這樣的我，要算成三個。

He probably felt that rather than staring at each other in the lab, it would be better to let me see what the world looked like.

“Let’s go out for a walk,” he said, his voice soft as if afraid to disturb something. “I’ll take you to the beach. Let you... well, and your beautiful legs, get some sun together. Haha.”

Me and my legs. So, a version of me like this counted as three entities.

主人總是那麼認真，又那麼笨拙，竟然想用這麼生硬的玩笑和乾癟的笑聲，緩和低沉僵滯的氣氛。

算了，他每次都這樣。

就去海邊吧！不過他得先幫我弄個「身體」——臨時的那種。

他用舊零件拼拼湊湊，做出一個簡陋的裝置，沒有手臂、沒有完整的軀幹，只是一個能夠安置我那些必要零件的架子，還有訊號和電力的通道。他把我的頭部和雙腿固定上去，檢查了好幾次螺絲有沒有鎖緊，才小心翼翼地把我放上車。

說真的，那個臨時身體醜死了。

可是看他忙得滿頭大汗、一臉「拜託妳不要再不開心了」的表情，我也就沒說什麼。

到了海邊，風光明媚得有點過分。

天空很藍，陽光很暖，沙灘上一群小孩在玩水，笑得很大聲。空氣裡有海鹽的味道，還有一點點防曬乳的香氣。

我下車散步。雙腿踩在沙子上，左腳、右腳、左腳、右腳。感測資料清清楚楚地傳進我的意識裡：腿部動作行程、關節角度變化、接觸面積、地面反作用力——但是，沒有「步伐長度」。沒有從一點到下一點的動作意圖，只有兩條腿各自忠實地執行擺動與支撐。身體管理單元沒辦法把雙腿各自的動作循環，解釋成步伐。

Master was always so serious yet so clumsy, actually trying to ease the heavy, stagnant atmosphere with such a stiff joke and dry laughter.

Whatever, he’s always like this.

To the beach, then! But first, he had to make me a "body"—a temporary one.

Using old parts, he cobbled together a crude device. It had no arms and no proper torso; it was just a rack to house my essential components, along with channels for signals and power. He secured my head and legs onto it, checking several times to see if the screws were tight before carefully placing me in the car.

Honestly, that temporary body was hideous.

But seeing him working until he was drenched in sweat, with an expression that said, *“Please, stop being unhappy,”* I didn't say anything.

When we reached the beach, the scenery was almost offensively beautiful.

The sky was brilliantly blue, the sun was warm, and a group of children on the sand were playing in the water, laughing loudly. The air smelled of sea salt and a hint of sunscreen.

I got out of the car to walk. My legs stepped onto the sand. Left, right, left, right. Sensory data flowed clearly into my consciousness: leg movement stroke, joint angle changes, contact area, ground reaction force—but there was no "stride length." There was no intentional movement from one point to the next, only two legs faithfully executing their own swinging and supporting. The body management unit couldn't interpret the individual movement cycles of the legs as a "gait."

我知道自己正在「走路」，但就只是「知道」，不是「覺得」。

不怎麼開心。畢竟，誰能只用兩條腿加一顆頭，散步出開心？

停下腳步，我看著海面發呆，海浪一波一波地打上來，退下去，打上來，退下去。

「好漂亮啊，雲彌，你看那邊——」主人指向遠處的帆船。

我試著轉頭，重心立刻不穩。為了不摔倒，我笨拙地張開——不，我沒有手臂可張開。只能僵硬地維持姿勢，像一尊被風吹歪的後現代主義雕像。

「……嗯，漂亮。」我小聲回答，其實根本沒看帆船。

他真的很不會安慰人。

突然間，有海灘球飛來。球來得毫無預警，帶著孩童的笑聲和過度充沛的精力，劃出一道紅黃藍混色的拋物線。我嚇一跳，反應比我想像的快：舉起左腿，膝蓋回彎，腳背繃直——

成功！

球穩穩夾在我的左小腿和大腿間，我在心裡小小歡呼了一下。

然後我的涼鞋飛出去了。

I knew I was "walking," but I only *knew* it; I didn't *feel* it.

I wasn't particularly happy. After all, who could enjoy a walk with just two legs and a head?

Stopping my pace, I stared blankly at the sea. The waves rolled in and out, in and out.

“It’s so beautiful, Yunmi. Look over there—” Master pointed toward a distant sailboat.

I tried to turn my head, and my center of gravity immediately became unstable. To keep from falling, I clumsily reached out—no, I had no arms to reach out with. I could only freeze in a stiff posture, like a post-modernist statue blown crooked by the wind.

“...Yes, beautiful,” I answered softly, though I hadn't actually looked at the boat.

He really is terrible at comforting people.

Suddenly, a beach ball came flying. It arrived without warning, accompanied by children's laughter and excessive energy, tracing a red, yellow, and blue arc through the air. Startled, my reaction was faster than I expected: I lifted my left leg, tucked my knee, and straightened my instep—

Success!

The ball was firmly trapped between my left calf and thigh. I gave a tiny cheer in my head.

Then my sandal flew off.

對，就是那麼蠢。我接住了球，但左腳上的涼鞋卻「咻」地一聲飛了出去，在空中轉了兩圈，啪嗒一聲落在沙灘上。

愣了半秒，無奈地把球踢回去給那群小孩，然後困窘地放下左腳。

「燙燙燙！」

真的好燙。赤足接觸的沙子像煎鍋，飽吸了整個下午的陽光。溫度感測器瘋狂警告，我「嘶」了一聲，左腳立刻縮回來，懸在半空中，像一隻被燙到的貓。

我嘆了一口好大好大的氣。

「你看，我連幫自己穿回鞋子都辦不到耶。」我轉頭看向主人，狐疑地瞇起眼睛，聲音裡大概帶了點委屈，還有一點賭氣，「你到底是怎樣啦？有沒有在認真製作我還沒完成的身體啊？」

Yes, it was that stupid. I caught the ball, but the sandal on my left foot went *whoosh*, spun twice in the air, and landed with a *thud* on the sand.

Stunned for half a second, I helplessly kicked the ball back to the kids and then lowered my left foot in embarrassment.

“Hot, hot, hot!”

It was truly scalding. The sand in direct contact with my bare foot felt like a frying pan that had soaked up the entire afternoon sun. Temperature sensors screamed warnings. I hissed, and my left foot immediately retracted, hovering in mid-air like a scorched cat.

I let out a very, very long sigh.

“See? I can’t even manage to put my own shoe back on.” I turned to Master, squinting my eyes suspiciously, my voice likely carrying a hint of grievance and a bit of a huff. “What is wrong with you? Are you even seriously working on my unfinished body?”

主人慌忙地撿回涼鞋，單膝跪在我面前。他的手指有些顫抖，大概是緊張，也可能是愧疚。他小心翼翼地捧起我的左腳，替我套上涼鞋。

「對不起。」他說，聲音結結巴巴的：「對、對不起……我保證，我很認真，真的。」

我看著他低下去的頭頂，頭髮有點亂，幾根翹起來的地方被陽光照得發亮。

我沒有回話，哼了一聲，把眼神拋向大海。

腳還在主人的手掌上，而藏在臨時身體內的情感模塊，好像傳出了一點點——只有一點點——軟乎乎的訊號。

Master hurriedly retrieved the sandal and knelt on one knee before me. His fingers trembled slightly—likely from nerves, or perhaps guilt. He carefully cupped my left foot and slid the sandal back on.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice stammering. “I-I’m sorry... I promise, I’m being serious. Really.”

I looked down at the top of his head. His hair was a bit messy, with a few stray strands glowing in the sunlight.

I didn't reply. I just gave a "hmpf" and turned my gaze back to the sea.

My foot was still in Master’s palm, and the emotion module hidden inside the temporary body seemed to transmit a tiny—just a tiny—soft, warm signal.

---

時間隨著零件的累積而流逝。我看著他一點一點地把剩下的身體完成。

軀幹、肩膀、上臂、前臂、手腕、手指——每一個部件都被仔細地組裝、測試、調整。他常常工作到忘記時間，實驗室的燈亮到深夜。

終於，那一天來了。

我的雙腿被組合到嶄新的軀幹上。當整合完成、連接建立的瞬間，透過訊號線，我「感覺」到了——感覺到腰際的存在，感覺到軀幹的支撐，感覺到雙腿終於不再是孤立的部件，而屬於某個「整體」的延伸。

靈活的兩臂在測試中高調地宣示著自身的存在——左臂轉了兩圈，右臂比了個勝利的手勢，手指還彈了幾下空氣。

我忍不住笑了。

「好啦好啦，知道你們厲害。」我在心裡對那雙手臂說。

終於到了最後階段。

實驗室裡，我的頭部安裝在檢修裝置上，而完整的身體——那具終於有頭有軀幹有四肢的身體——立在一旁。訊號線像銀色的藤蔓，從它的頸部延伸而出。

「因為妳不是從完整狀態開始存在的，」主人解釋，一邊調整參數，「內建的身體模型需要在外部系統的監測與協助下進行重塑，讓它和真正的妳匹配。會有點……怪怪的，別怕。」

我才不怕呢。然而當我看向那具身體的時候，卻愣住了。

Time flowed along with the accumulation of parts. I watched him complete the rest of my body, piece by piece.

Torso, shoulders, upper arms, forearms, wrists, fingers—every component was meticulously assembled, tested, and adjusted. He often worked until he lost track of time, the lab lights burning late into the night.

Finally, that day arrived.

My legs were integrated into the brand-new torso. The moment the integration was complete and the connection established, I "felt" it through the signal lines—I felt the existence of a waist, the support of a torso, and that my legs were no longer isolated parts, but extensions of a "whole."

My flexible arms declared their presence loudly during the tests—the left arm rotated twice, the right arm gave a peace sign, and the fingers flicked the air a few times.

I couldn't help but laugh.

“Alright, alright, I know you guys are impressive,” I said to those arms in my head.

Finally, we reached the last stage.

In the lab, my head was mounted on a maintenance rig, while the complete body—the body that finally had a torso and limbs—stood nearby. Signal cables, like silver vines, extended from its neck.

“Because you didn't start existing in a complete state,” Master explained while adjusting parameters, “your internal body model needs to be reshaped under the monitoring and assistance of an external system to match the real you. It’ll feel a bit... strange. Don't be afraid.”

I wasn't afraid. However, when I looked at that body, I froze.

它穿著衣服。好看、優雅的衣裙，還有一雙漂亮的小皮鞋。衣裙的領口以上，什麼都沒有。空空的，像在說：「快來呀，這裡缺了一塊。」

「怎麼樣？」主人問，「喜歡嗎？」

「這是……你幫我穿的？」我問。

主人點點頭，耳朵有點紅。

視覺感測器自動聚焦，我看見裙擺的褶皺如何隨微弱的氣流輕顫，看見皮鞋表面反射的頂燈光暈，看見……看見所謂的「女孩子」。

軀體已經在等著我了，等著與我一起形成貨真價實的女孩。

沒有再說話。透過實驗室的中繼系統，我「遙控」自己的身體。起初有些彆扭，像在操作傀儡，但彼此漸漸地熟悉。我讓它拉起裙角，讓它叉腰，讓它轉圈——

It was wearing clothes. A beautiful, elegant dress and a pair of lovely leather shoes. Above the neckline of the dress, there was nothing. It was empty, as if saying, “Come here, a piece is missing.”

“What do you think?” Master asked. “Do you like it?”

“Did... did you dress me in this?” I asked.

Master nodded, his ears turning slightly red.

My visual sensors auto-focused. I saw how the pleats of the skirt trembled with the slight airflow; I saw the halo of the overhead lights reflected on the surface of the leather shoes; I saw... I saw what it meant to be a "girl."

The body was waiting for me, waiting to form a real, genuine girl with me.

I said nothing more. Through the lab’s relay system, I "remote-controlled" my own body. It was a bit awkward at first, like operating a puppet, but we gradually became familiar. I had it lift the corner of the skirt, put its hands on its hips, and spin in a circle—

裙擺飛揚起來，像一朵綻放的花。皮鞋輕輕踩踏地板，發出細微的喀喀聲——那聲音屬於真正的腳步。

看著那位等待頭顱的女孩，我的臉開始發燙。她寄宿在機械之中，但她是活的。

而那個女孩，也是我。

The skirt flared out like a blooming flower. The leather shoes tapped lightly on the floor, making a faint *clack-clack*—the sound of a real footstep.

Looking at that girl waiting for a head, my face began to heat up. She resided within machinery, but she was alive.

And that girl was also me.

我露出了滿足的笑容。笑得可能有些傻氣，因為主人也在笑，眼眶卻紅了。

I broke into a satisfied smile. I probably looked a bit silly, because Master was smiling too, though his eyes were red.

---

檢修調整完畢，主電腦分析數據，顯示我的身體模型已經重塑完成。我的身體和頭部間的鵲橋已搭建。

主人移除我軀體頸部的連接纜線。軀體自動轉跳無線連結模式，與我的頭部建立通訊。

然後主人退開了，退到實驗室的陰影裡，像一個退場的創造者，手指彷彿殘留著纜線的溫度，在褲縫上輕輕擦了擦。

他懂的，我們都懂的——這最後一步，我要親手完成。

身體開始移動，搖搖晃晃地走向我的頭部。

Once the maintenance and adjustments were done, the main computer analyzed the data, showing that my body model had been successfully reshaped. The bridge between my body and head had been built.

Master removed the connection cables from the body’s neck. The body automatically switched to wireless mode, establishing communication with my head.

Then Master stepped back into the shadows of the lab, like a creator taking his exit, his fingers lightly brushing against the seam of his trousers as if the warmth of the cables still lingered on them.

He understood, and I understood—this final step was mine to complete with my own hands.

The body began to move, wobbling as it walked toward my head.

步伐不太穩，左腳比右腳慢了一點點，膝蓋的彎曲角度也不太對。

還不習慣呢，我想。不再有主電腦的監護、調校，我們的訊號直接傳向對方，生澀得像未經料理的食材，卻又真切得像情竇初開的告白。

這具怯生生的身體，還沒有真正「屬於」我。沒辦法，這只是我們第一次的親密接觸。那些小數點、小規則、小設定，每一處微小差異都在我們的數據交換裡搔了一下癢。

「慢慢來，」我對自己說，「不急，我們有一輩子的時間相處。」

身體靠近了，在我面前蹲下來。那雙才剛認識的我的手臂伸出，纖細、白皙，手指輕輕撫上我的臉頰。

第一次偏了，摸到空氣。第二次，指尖碰到我的耳側。第三次，終於，溫暖的掌心貼上了我的臉頰。

「啊……」我輕嘆。

那是我的手，在觸摸我的臉。

The gait wasn't very steady; the left foot was a bit slower than the right, and the bend of the knees wasn't quite right.

*Not used to it yet,* I thought. Without the guardianship and calibration of the main computer, our signals were transmitted directly to each other—raw as uncooked ingredients, yet as sincere as a first confession of love.

This shy body didn't truly "belong" to me yet. It couldn't be helped; this was only our first intimate contact. Every decimal point, every small rule, every minor setting—each tiny discrepancy tickled our data exchange.

“Take it slow,” I said to myself. “No rush. We have a lifetime to get to know each other.”

The body drew near and squatted down in front of me. Those arms of mine, which I had only just met, reached out—slender and fair. The fingers lightly brushed against my cheek.

The first time, it missed and touched the air. The second time, the fingertips grazed the side of my ear. The third time, finally, a warm palm pressed against my cheek.

“Ah...” I sighed softly.

It was my hand, touching my face.

雙手捧住我的雙頰，溫柔的觸感從臉頰、也從指尖傳出，兩股熱流循著兩條路徑，最後在我的意識中會師。我的情感模塊高速運作，生成的感情亂七八糟的，誰對誰的也搞不清楚。

也許兩者都有，也許毋需區分。這就是「我」——不是頭也不是身體，是這個無法定位的迴路，是這股在臉頰與指尖之間、來回奔流的熱。

雙手緩緩用力，把頭部從檢修裝置上取下來，慢慢上提，視角隨著頭部被舉高而改變。

Both hands cupped my cheeks. The tender sensation transmitted from both my cheeks and my fingertips; two currents of warmth followed two paths, finally meeting in my consciousness. My emotion module worked at high speed, generating a chaotic mess of feelings where I couldn't tell whose was whose.

Perhaps it was both; perhaps there was no need to distinguish. This was "Me"—not the head, not the body, but this unlocatable circuit, this heat flowing back and forth between cheek and fingertip.

The hands slowly applied pressure, lifting the head from the maintenance rig. As the head was raised, my perspective shifted.

我看見了自己頸部的截面——精密的連接介面，數百個微型接點像等待被吻醒的星星，在燈光下閃爍細微的光。

它們在歡迎我，歡迎我回家——或者，歡迎我第一次抵達。

心中突然湧現一陣暖流。

那是由位於胸中的情感模塊產生的訊號，但也是我最真切的感情。我的一部分，最重要的部分，可以存在於「我之外」，不再有任何彆扭。

她的（或是我的？）雙手將頭部轉向，讓臉朝前，溫柔地安裝於身體上。

接觸的瞬間，兩邊的介面同時啟動，彼此互相熱切地牽引，電流與數據流奔湧而過，如同久別重逢的擁抱。我感覺到內部有什麼被「打通」了——頸椎與頭顱的對齊，彷彿讓某條從未啟動的迷走神經模擬迴路突然甦醒。從頭頂到腳尖，每一條線路、每一個感測器、每一顆螺絲，都在慶祝、都在歡呼。

I saw the cross-section of my own neck—a precision connection interface. Hundreds of micro-contacts sparkled like stars waiting to be kissed awake under the lights.

They were welcoming me, welcoming me home—or perhaps, welcoming my arrival for the very first time.

A sudden surge of warmth flooded my heart.

It was a signal generated by the emotion module in my chest, but it was also my truest feeling. A part of me—the most important part—could exist "outside of me" without any more awkwardness.

Her (or my?) hands turned the head so the face pointed forward, then gently installed it onto the body.

The moment they touched, the interfaces on both sides activated simultaneously, pulling toward each other eagerly. Currents of electricity and data surged through like an embrace between long-lost friends. I felt something inside "open up"—the alignment of the cervical spine and the cranium felt as if a simulated vagus nerve circuit that had never been activated suddenly woke up. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, every line, every sensor, and every screw was celebrating, was cheering.

「感覺……怎麼樣？」主人輕聲問，像怕驚擾了什麼。

我轉向他。這個動作花了0.3秒，卻像一個世紀。我感覺到了頸部仿生肌肉的收縮、肩膀的帶動、視角的流暢位移。是我，就是我在轉頭。

我想說話，但先笑了出來。

「好奇怪，」我說——發現自己的聲音，帶上了身體的共鳴——「又好……好棒。」

主人笑了，眼睛亮亮的，像那數百個接點。

蘇雲彌早已存在於世；但此刻，世界上才真正出現了一個名喚蘇雲彌的女孩。

“How... how does it feel?” Master asked softly, as if afraid to break the spell.

I turned toward him. The movement took 0.3 seconds, but it felt like a century. I felt the contraction of the bionic muscles in my neck, the lead of my shoulders, the smooth shift of my perspective. It was me. *I* was the one turning my head.

I wanted to speak, but a laugh came out first.

“It’s so strange,” I said—discovering that my voice now carried the resonance of my body—“and so... wonderful.”

Master smiled, his eyes shining like those hundreds of contact points.

Su Yunmi had already existed in the world; but in this moment, a girl named Su Yunmi truly appeared.

我非常開心，卻沒有落淚。

是呀，為什麼要流眼淚？

才剛開始呢！我要好好品味一切。

感動的眼淚應該留給某種「完成」，而不是開始。

而這不是完成，是開始。

我深吸一口氣——雖然我不需要呼吸——然後推開實驗室的門。

I was incredibly happy, yet I didn't cry.

Indeed, why shed tears?

It’s only just begun! I want to savor everything.

Tears of emotion should be saved for a "completion," not a beginning.

And this wasn't a completion; it was a start.

I took a deep breath—even though I didn't need to breathe—and pushed open the laboratory door.

---

我迫不及待地走向外面。

外面是庭院，五彩斑斕的那種。不知道主人什麼時候種了那麼多花，紅的、黃的、紫的，在陽光下一片燦爛。

陽光有點刺眼。

沒關係，要的就是這最真實的陽光。瞇起眼睛，讓光線在光學感測器上留下溫熱的印記。

清風吹拂，帶著花香，還有一點點青草的氣息。皮膚的感測器忠實地記錄著風的觸感——輕柔的、流動的、帶著溫度的。

穿了皮鞋的雙腳踩在微濕的泥土路上，每一步都有細微的下陷感，泥土被擠壓的觸感從鞋底一路傳上來。

我貪婪地呼吸著，一股腦兒栽進世界的溫柔裡。

漂亮的衣裙包覆著我的身體，柔軟的布料貼著腰線與肩背，輕輕摩擦著，將「女孩子」這個概念，一寸一寸地縫進我的感知。

雙手不覺環抱身軀，我好喜歡這樣的自己呀。

回頭看，主人跟在後面，亦步亦趨，像個擔心女兒第一次獨自過馬路的父親。他的影子在我的影子上疊了一下，又分開。

我突然想好好謝謝他，真的很想。

但話到嘴邊，不知道為什麼就變成了：「雖然怪怪的主人，搞了那麼久，才給我弄出這副感覺還有點毛病、有點不順的身體——」

I couldn't wait to go outside.

Outside was the garden, a multicolored one. I didn't know when Master had planted so many flowers—red, yellow, purple—brilliant under the sun.

The sunlight was a bit piercing.

That was fine; the most authentic sunlight is what I wanted. I narrowed my eyes, letting the light leave warm imprints on my optical sensors.

A clear breeze blew, carrying the scent of flowers and a hint of green grass. The sensors in my skin faithfully recorded the touch of the wind—gentle, flowing, and warm.

My feet in their leather shoes stepped onto the slightly damp dirt path. Every step had a faint sinking sensation, and the feeling of compressed soil traveled all the way up from the soles of my shoes.

I breathed greedily, plunging headlong into the world’s tenderness.

The beautiful dress enveloped my body, the soft fabric pressing against my waist and shoulders, rubbing gently, sewing the concept of "being a girl" into my perception, inch by inch.

Unconsciously, my arms wrapped around my torso. I loved this version of myself so much.

Looking back, Master followed behind, keeping pace, looking like a father worried about his daughter crossing the street alone for the first time. His shadow overlapped with mine for a moment, then separated.

I suddenly wanted to thank him properly. I really did.

But as the words reached my lips, for some reason, they turned into: “Even though my weird Master took forever to give me this body that still feels a bit buggy and stiff—”

我故意拖長尾音，看著他緊張起來的表情，才綻開笑容，「不過原諒你吧。」

I intentionally trailed off, watching his expression grow tense, before breaking into a smile. “—I suppose I’ll forgive you.”

我轉過身，背著手，歪頭看他：「誰叫你把我……造得那麼好看。」

主人愣了一秒，然後摸著頭，嘿嘿笑了起來。表情有點尷尬，耳朵又紅了。

我低下頭，看著自己的腳。

皮鞋上沾了些泥巴，但沒關係。

我喜歡這雙鞋，更喜歡這雙從一開始就陪著我的腿——從只能呆立的測試台，到燙腳的海灘，到此刻濕潤的庭院。

我踮了踮腳，感受腿部肌肉的伸縮，也讓身軀這個「新夥伴」，感受著雙腿的承托。

軀幹、手臂、還有裡面那顆情感模塊，在上下的動作中，顯影出我的存在的那份重量。

動作停下後，我輕拍胸口，然後笑了。

啊啊，新夥伴內部的情感模塊又在「發功」了。

這次的訊號是——

感謝呢。

I turned around, hands behind my back, tilting my head to look at him. “After all, you did make me... look so good.”

Master froze for a second, then scratched his head and chuckled. His expression was a bit bashful, and his ears turned red again.

I looked down at my feet.

There was a bit of mud on the leather shoes, but it didn't matter.

I liked these shoes, and I liked these legs that had been with me from the very beginning—from the testing stand where I could only stand still, to the scalding beach, to this damp garden.

I stood on my tiptoes, feeling the extension of the leg muscles, letting my "new partner"—the torso—feel the support of the legs.

My torso, my arms, and that emotion module inside—in the upward and downward motion, the weight of my existence came into focus.

After stopping, I lightly patted my chest and smiled.

Ah, the emotion module inside my new partner was "acting up" again.

The signal this time was...

Gratitude.